I know this may seem obvious.. But it seems to be fact about relationships that's only really just sinking in for me.
My realization is simply that:
'There is no point in a relationship if two of you want different things out of the relationship'
I am going to call this 'incompatible'
OK obvious i know but is it really, how many relationships go on for ever and ever while each person wants different things. The complaints become the point of conversation. So much so that I recon finding something to complain about is more important than finding common ground to relate about.
Many people persist their lives in incompatible relationships. I am sure you know a few.
We do this for valid reasons, i don't believe anyone does anything without reason, its just we are not conscious of those reasons. So much so that we will all lie to ourselves about the reasons or more likely never want to explore them and lie to ourselves to avoid exploring them.
Most of us will pretend and lie about all sorts of things to have a relationship persist when it is clearly incompatible. It does not have to be one relationship either, the pretend can be maintained in many ways including having one relationship after another, none of which 'work' or even having no relationship at all which clearly doesn't 'work'. Why go through all this trouble, what is so important to sustain here ?
I think its because the relationship is telling you something about you, something you want to keep true for you. Something that you want to keep validating because its deep, more importantly its something that has become dear to you.
Your core belief about who you are can be so dear and so important, but at the same time it could also be completely untrue.
Have you ever looked at your deep beliefs about you and held them up to the light and checked them. Are your deep beliefs really true for you, and do you have a clue what they are ?
I believe this is what your incompatible relationship is telling you, if you want to stop complaining and have a look. Well actually you probably don't, very few people do, that is why vampires only come out at night, its dark and no one will see what they are up to.
There many things that incompatible relationships validate for people but one particularly common one is simply that people don't believe they are worth enough to get what they want. Many people don't really know what they want either, even though they think they know..
Yikes no wonder this relationship thing gets 'complicated'
When you don't believe you deserve what you want, you will 'work' to stay locked into relationships that prove you wont get what you want to validate your core belief of self. All relationships ! so this will apply to all areas of life including love and career.
Better still you can complain about it all, its a way of getting peoples attention when you don't believe you deserve attention, remember, how could you be worth getting attention if you don't deserve anything you want.
You have to find a way to steal attention, complaining is a great way.
You are a vampire !
You don't believe you are a valid human so you are a dead one, but somehow a living one, a 'living dead' or whats called 'undead'.
How do you survive ?
Feed on blood or the juice of peoples attention, by 'justified' complaining. And you can never be satiated as you already believe you dont deserve it in the first place.
Walking in limbo baby. But you get guaranteed attentive blood from all those people who love to bleed for you.
Oh and there will be many willing to feed you. Why ? well if someone bleeds for you, then they can feel deserving of feeding back. Its a self serving cycle.
You vampires can only come out at night so you can keep this hidden and lie and lie about it to yourself and to everyone else you know and love.
You are ashamed of your vampire nature.
You cant kill a vampire by normal means, they always find another way to be validating the core beliefs, the beliefs resurrect again and again in mirror forms of relationship.
How you kill a vampire
A wooden stake to shishkebab those beliefs in your heart so dear.
The light of day will kill you dead with the truth
Kill the vampire kill the vampire !
Where is your vampire hiding out ? the coffin in the family graveyard ? Probably grandma that handed down the fangs anyways.
Fangs for the memories granny. More blood anyone ?